i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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