oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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