Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
