My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
