I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
