so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
