I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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