absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All the doctor said was why
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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