you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
