I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
