I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
