just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
