the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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