I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
