bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
