I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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