Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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