ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
