I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
