Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
