kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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