So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
