I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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