He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
