I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
