i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
