is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
