Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
