She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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