I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
