I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
