Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
