i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
