Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's Friday. Sex?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Randomize
