Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
