we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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