Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
