I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
