im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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