cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
