My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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