The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
