you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
