I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
