My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
