yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
