I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
