this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
