wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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