We're facebook friends in real life
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
