Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
