Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
